


An Open Letter

by Annie46fic



Series: Declarations of Love [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Drabble Collection, Future Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 18:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie46fic/pseuds/Annie46fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes this is the only way</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Open Letter

I love you. 

See – it’s easier if I say it like this, easier if I don’t have to tell you face to face. Even if I think you already know, how could you not? God, I am so obvious sometimes.

Do you remember when we met? How we got on from the first, how we had so much in common. Both of us Texas boys, born and bred. Both of us middle children with older brothers and younger sisters. You were like the brother I never had back then, older and wiser than me and – shit – I looked up to you, hung on your every word like the naïve kid that I was.

You always had a beautiful woman on your arm and no one was surprised. You won all the polls for _most attractive man on TV_ , _Most eligible bachelor_ and why shouldn’t you? I wished I looked like you and then I wished I was you and then I wished I could be with you. I was confused.

Sandy was great but even when we were engaged, talking about weddings, shopping for rings, I didn’t want her, I wanted you. Sometimes, I thought it must be evident, sometimes I thought you had guessed. You were always so nice to me, comforted me when Sandy broke up with me, moved in with me to keep me company and to _cheer me up_. I was so happy when you were around even though I knew there was no real chance for us – even though I knew there was no _‘us’_. You were – had always had been – straight and me, fuck knows what I was? But  I was in love with you.

Danneel stayed around and I knew; I was growing up - no longer gauche or naïve – and I could see how serious it was. Running off after Gen wasn’t mature despite my claims of adulthood but she was there and she was willing and I liked her well enough. Liked her well enough to get engaged to her, to marry her and to let the roller coaster plunge me headlong into oblivion without me even taking a breath.

Seasons came and went; we were renewed 10 times, much to our astonishment and joy. I was made for life, enough money not to worry but I still wanted that film career, still wanted to be a star like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. You were content to take a back seat, direct episodes, talked about directing films. We were both dads, Thomas the one joy in a loveless marriage, your little girl, so like you beautiful, adorable, loveable. 

And here we are, 10 years down the line and at the end of it all the same. My bags are packed and I won’t ever come back to this set again, won’t ever come back to Vancouver. The rented house is closed up; memories of me being there with you, of wanting you so damn much. Gen has long gone, off to LA to restart her career, Thomas is coming with me to Texas, going to be staying with my parents while I film my new movie, everything is good and in its place but still.

We have never kissed – not seriously. We’ve never really talked about the fans and their _J2_ fantasies. Gen was never a beard but she was never the love of my life either. I knew it and she knew it and it was doomed to fail. I will never love anyone the way I love you and perhaps I should stop even trying.

So here it is, my confession, and I doubt after this we will even see each other again. I don’t want it to end here but it seems right somehow that it should end at the place where it began. I realize that you will see this and – maybe – you will be surprised, shocked, or horrified even, but maybe not. Maybe you will see what we had as something more than friendship, something extra special, something worthwhile.

So goodbye my one true love – may you always be as happy as you have made me and please don’t think bad of me. I would hate for you to hate me, not after all this time.

I love you, and that will never, ever change.


End file.
